Demand - don't just dream about it!
8:23 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 2 comments

Saw 'Wake up Sid' a couple of days back. An admirable hindi movie by Ayan Mukherji. In case you haven't seen it yet, I would highly recommend it. It's a story of a man’s dynamic journey into self realization. About this man who has just given his final exams in college, and is pretty aimless in life. The beauty of it all is that he is totally unapologetic about it. He meets a girl and she asks what does he do and he replies 'Baap ke paise kharchta hoon!' (I spend my dad's money) and then she asks what do you plan to do going ahead and he goes 'Baap ke paise karchonga' (I will spend my dad's money). Father has a hugely successful business and he wants the protagonist to start working there but he finds it really boring. The movie unfolds to show his love for photography and with some help from his lady friend, he gets into that line of business professionally.



Now I'm not saying that living off your parents while you lame away your time is good or that he would have achieved all this so soon had his father and his friend not pushed him so much; but ultimately the bottom line is that he ended up doing something that he loves and not enter into something just to please others or to fulfill the expectations set on him by his family and friends. If a person decides that he is the happiest doing nothing very significant in life but is living within his own means, then I feel that the world should leave him alone.

 

In India, so many people enter the software industry, ever since the late 90s, just because it pays well and there are jobs in it. If you pick a hundred software engineers in India at random, and ask their opinion, almost eighty would say that would rather do something else, if they find something that is equally rewarding financially. And that is why working closely with so many in my eight years of professional life; I've come across so many people who are highly inefficient and actually bad at what they are doing. It has a lot to do with the economic conditions of the country too so I can't blame them entirely. In US, I've noticed that in general the people in IT are technically sounder. Probably because the general living standard of people is not bad for the ones who don't go to college and directly go to work. So, the people who do go for higher studies are the ones who actually love the field.

 

But the point is that so many of us lead a life doing something because we were pushed into it. And it is not only a case in ones professional life but also in every sphere of living. Another European movie I saw had this line that has stuck in my mind… 'You can change, don’t be content to merely survive... you must demand to live in a better world; not just dream about it!'

 

The society is very quick to judge what is wrong or right. We have a lot of pre-conceived notions about almost everything. Our moral-o-meter is set so rigidly on certain believes hammered into us since childhood that it takes a lot to break out of that boundary. People drift through a relationship for years just because it would bring bad name to their family. I agree that you need to work on a relationship but not give up happiness and joy of life forever for some social barriers.

 

Whatever you do, you can never please everyone. Something good for one person might be a totally prohibited for another. Say, like eating non-vegetarian. But that doesn't make eating non-vegetarian food is a bad thing. It is a belief and there is no right or wrong about it. So, we as a society need to learn to set the cords of socially acceptable behavior a little loose and as individuals we have to stand up. We need to stop judging and start acting. Stop judging others for what they are doing and categorizing people into slots, and acting towards our own happiness. We need to find those areas, fields and activities that interest us and bring us joy and stop following everything that the world thinks is good for us.

 

As a friend very aptly put it, 'Happy songs are composed with major chords, and sad songs are composed with minor chords, but minor chords can also make someone happy. It perhaps takes some maturity to understand this'.





Granny's treasure!
12:51 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 7 comments
                                                        

As usual, I was confused about something concerning my son's school the other day and was talking (well, emailing but that's the way we generally talk these days, don't we); So anyway, I was EMAILing about it to a friend and she happened to mention something that struck a cord.

Not that I am anti-feminist or something like that, but it happens to be true for my husband and I, and a few other people I know so I thought it was worth a mention. My friend quoted something her grandma used to say - Mostly women take the right decision the first time around, but then tend to think a lot about their decision and get confused, which is just the opposite of what men do...

And how true is that. HOW TRUE is that. For me - it's like a sentence out of my biography. A nail in my coffin. Should I have explored the other option more, should I have consulted my parents, should I have gone for it, should i have done this or should i have done that.

My husband is always firm on what he decides, though he might vacillate a lot before he comes to that decision. In most cases he never regret any decision he makes, or rather doesn't ponder about it. Once decided, it is to be. For me, to put it politely (for myself), I'm the thinker.

So, today, I make a decision that I'm going to stop fretting about stuff afterwords. And as my friend's grandma says - the first decision would be my best. I'm going to trust my instincts a little more. After all, nothing bad has come out of them yet!



Make a difference - To just one life!
6:53 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 7 comments
Saw the movie 'Gran Torino' yesterday. Not one of his most successful movies, but Clint Eastwood has done a wonderful job here. Along with the story and the direction, he has acted out the role to perfection. To read the synopsis of the film, click here.

It is always easy to say that we should help out people and contribute to the society and yada yada yada. Most of us know that we want to do something, but we also know that we can't find the time to; we are all so busy in our lives with so many responsibilities and stuff going around. What if we forget about our desire to try to help the whole society and reform the entire system and just do it for one person. One person only. Anybody. It doesn't have to be a poor orphan kid or a very old helpless person. It could be your cousin who is going in the wrong direction. A neighbor's kid looking for direction in life. A person looking for a job. The only condition is that you need to help him with no selfish interest.

And that is the catch phase here - 'With no selfish interest'. She needs to be a person whom you would not bother about in the normal flow of life.

If you are into movies, and have not seen 'Pay it forward' - you should. It is a wonderful movie. One of the best I've ever seen.

It is a simple concept but something that can start a revolution if implemented. It works on the concept that one person helps three strangers totally unselfishly and expects nothing in return except a promise that they will in turn help three more people and so on and so forth. This tree can then grow and become a revolution. But, if this is too complicated and a little unrealistic for you, how about just one person.

God knows, after helping one person and seeing her happiness, you might get addicted to it. And it might inspire that person enough to help out ahead and it might indeed start a chain reaction.

So, I implore you to go find that one soul, or
at least if she comes to you, don't let her go disappointed. It might
be your calling - God's knock on your door, your redemption?



What's your word?
11:28 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 8 comments
My parents are visiting us for a couple of months and hence the big gap in my writing. Apologize for that. Nothing can define the pure joy that I feel on having these two months with them. They are like those stolen moments that you would not give back for anything in life. And so, I'm enjoying them to the fullest. I, amazingly, still find some time to read and am currently reading a book called 'Eat Sleep Pray' by Elizabeth Gilbert. It came highly recommended by a friend, who was also kind enough to lend it to me. I'm taking a long time proceeding with it (because of the above mentioned reason), but really liked some parts of it. It talks about a concept that I really liked and I just can't resist not discussing it here.

It said that every city could be defined by a word. That word is what is on the mind of all the people in the city. If the word is on your mind too, then you would feel at home in the city or else you don't belong here and you feel like an outsider or a tourist. As an example, think what could be the word for New York... achieve. Los Angeles... success. Rome... sex. All these words define the very nature and tempo of the city and the people who inhabit it.

And similarly every person should have a word too that defines her and can put her into focus. Think of a word that you would want yourself to be identified with; it can be a noun, adjective, adverb... whatever... Success, achiever, family, love, emotion, friends, creativeness, loneliness, music, technology. If this is the word you want to be identified with or think that this is the word that should define you and you can truly say that this actually does define you right now, then you, my dear friend, have arrived. Otherwise, you are either in search of your true self (if you don't know your word) and the hunt is on for you or you are pretending or trying to be someone you are not (if the word that you want and the word that you are, are different).

You can, of course, use different words to define you at different phases of your life... you might be a high achiever in your 20s and 30s but later family takes precedence. So, the word doesn't needs to be a constant but a variable that you are aware of.

I thought a lot about what word can define me... and honestly speaking, I couldn't come up with one. So for me the hunt is still on... how about you? Do you have your word?


Religious or Spiritual
8:30 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 2 comments
                                    

Is a person who is deeply religious, a good human being in every aspect and contributing to the good of the society, any better than an atheist who is doing the same? This question has been bothering me a lot lately and I for one surely like my questions answered.

What defines religion? And what makes a person religious? Does being religious just mean offering your prayers on time and following the rules laid down through the centuries?

How would you define God? If you open your mind for a second and look as an observer, you might agree that everything good, beautiful, natural, sincere that we know of in the world, every good characteristic, things that are the best, are what we relate with God. Whereas, everything ugly or negative that might lead to disharmony or evil is associated with the devil. In short, everything good that is or can be is GOD and everything bad that is or a human can think of is the DEVIL. So, a person who knows his good from bad and has his conscience in the right place to guide him through, is actually following what we would define as Godly or God’s path.

Religion, according to me, is only a path to keep people from committing the wrong and trying to attune them to the goodness in the world: and we all wish to attain that! That is what keeps us straying from our paths of righteousness. We have all heard people say ‘Bhagwan se daro’ or ‘Fear the Lord’, and this is what they are trying to say. Most humans are prone to deviate from the right path to follow their own selfish ambitions or needs and the love (or fear) of God helps them to stay on course and not harm others for their own desires.

All religions, at the core, preach the same - peace, harmony, brotherhood and respect. They just talk a different language. I recently heard a song by Death Cab by Cutie from their album Narrow Stairs that has a line that goes "... It's like a book elegantly bound, but in a language you can’t read." He was talking about a potential relationship between a girl and him but I can totally relate it here. As centuries go by, all religions have been molded by the preachers in their own selfish quest to grow and attain greatness. At the core, no religion teaches anything other than the core values mentioned above.

I totally believe in the existence of a force that helps keep the cosmic balance in the universe: call it God, fate, destiny, conscience or faith. I was born a Hindu, but I call myself SPIRITUAL and travel the path laid by Hinduism to strive the ultimate quest.

One of the main philosophies of Hinduism mentioned in Geeta, preaches that God is within each and every living being. So if we recognize the God within, and the God within the person next to you, you would do no harm. We spend hours praying or fasting or helping our pet but would bicker about the next door neighbor for parking his car too much to the left. Our job as humans is to recognize the voice within and do the right Karm (Action). Everything else follows.

The different activities, that we recognize as superstitions, which are associated with religion, in fact, have very scientific explanations. They got associated with religion because in general, the populace would not accept doing something on a daily basis but the fear of God and religion makes them do it all the same. Like fasting for a day a week - Nothing wrong with that, it cleanses your body and gives it time to revitalize. It was said that if you sweep after dark, the Goddess of money goes away. Earlier, when there was no electricity, it was useless to sweep in late evenings since you could hardly see much, but people would do that just to get the job done. And hence it got associated with this superstition since no one would want to make the Goddess of money angry for sure :o)

Most people have their own path to travel to that point of ultimate goodness, and I feel that it is their decision to make, like being a Hindu, a Sikh, a Jain, a Budh, a Christian or a Muslim is. If you believe in a guiding light that helps you choose the right path and make the right decision, then you are spiritual and as Yoda says you just need to "Feel the force within you!"

 







Are we a generation of self-centered people
7:59 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 4 comments

Our grandparents had a dozen or so kids and lived a happy life. The expectations were less and the kids didn’t have too many demands. If they could get a decent education and have a circle of friends to play with at the end of the day – they were a happy lot. Kids would study in school and play outside at home. There were large families in general where either the aunts and grandparents took care of the kids or the elder kids took care of the young ones. Raising a kid was never an issue.

Then came our parent’s generation. Don’t you think we had a wonderful childhood without the Nintendo’s and the Wii’s, without the computers and a hundred choices if you want to buy a bicycle? Like my husband was saying the other day, having a straight bar bicycle was the highlight of the neighborhood. You were the king if you owned a bicycle like that. The trend became that our parents started sticking to the policy of having two kids – a policy spread by the government rather aggressively because of the growing population in India that it wanted to keep under control, with a very effective slogan “Hum do humare do” – literally meaning we two, our two!. People also realized that they could educate and provide better for two kids rather than for half a dozen. So the so-called policy became the new mantra among the urban educated crowds in India. The parents got a life (over and above taking care of kids) and we got our Lego’s and Barbie’s – everyone was happy.

Jump to our generation and suddenly one is the new two. No more two kids – no more people praying for a girl if they were already blessed with a boy to carry on the family name or for a boy if Laxshmi (The arrival of a girl child is equated to the arrival of the goddess of money) has already graced the house. The argument in favor of the notion is that the times are very expensive. And I don’t disagree with that. Sure, from the very time the kid is born till the time she finishes college, it is a series of expense after expense. We want to give our kids the best of all resources. Be it monetary or time. With mostly all husbands and wives working, there is a shortage of time for sure. We wait for the time to be right when we would be able to give the second kid the same amount of time and care and comfort that we could offer to the first one. Some people also believe that however fair you might try to be, you would always have a slight inclination towards one of the kids and sparing a kid from that is also a factor for them to decide on sticking to one.

Hmmm! Agree with most of it. But here is another point of view. As soon as the kid is born, does she ask for the fairy tale nursery, for the best available stroller and the GAP dresses? Does she ask you to throw her a dream-like first birthday party with a guest list spanning the who’s who of the town? The kid might be equally happy (and successful) in a decent public school or an affordable private one (in case you are staying in a country/area that don’t have good public schools). I feel, to a large extent, a lot of the expenses are just status symbols for us or our vision of the perfect world that has nothing to do with what the kid’s upbringing would actually cost us. A couple of hours (daily) of quality time spent with a kid is much more than all the joy a Nintendo would bring him (Agreed that things might be much different when the child is in her teens or nearing that)… but the point is that in those two or three hours every day you can instill the right values in the child that would show him that love and care and family are much more important than monetary things. I understand peer pressure but I guess you do understand the gist of what I want to say.

Or, are our lives too hectic... are we a bunch of self-centered people who want to live and enjoy our own lives for a change and not spend all our time raising kids. It means a lot of additional responsibilities and lot of time and devotion. And not to forget, a lot of money. What we can spend on a bigger TV/car or a vacation, how about that dream house I wanted to buy – a three bedroom with a modern kitchen (with an island of course) and a porch, a garden where I can ask the landscaper to come and help me make it a house out of a pottery barn catalog. Time, of course, is another contributor to the whole debate. With one kid only, we don’t have time for 'us'. How do you fit another kid in the equation? As a friend very aptly put it - I think we are a generation sandwiched between our modest upbringing and the modern life exposure! 'Cause the irony is, that we understand the need of a second child but are not able to take the plunge due to the life that we are leading. May be we would have been better off if we were truly homely or truly career minded... but we are both (or at least trying to be)!!

I think the love and closeness you can experience with a sibling can very rarely be seen with a cousin. And the sole reason is that in today’s times cousins don’t live together, and don't even meet often enough. Only kids can be pretty lonely and even more so as they grow up. It’s difficult for them to learn the concept of putting others before themselves and hence, are more likely to become self-absorbed individuals. As Katy Abel explains in her article, only kids do not experience the competitiveness that kids with siblings do and parents have to work extra hard to provide them with the stimulation, camaraderie and competitiveness that comes naturally with siblings. Parents also have a hard time keeping the kid grounded since they are always the center of attraction and are used to getting their own way.

My brother and I are very close and I know I always have a person who I can turn to in any circumstance and I hope he knows the same. Do we have the right to deny our kids of that comfort zone?



Sliding Doors
10:06 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 5 comments

Does the ‘what if?’ question cross your mind every now and then. What if I had studied harder… what if I had summoned the courage to propose to that girl… what if I had not missed the train for my first interview… what if I had picked up the phone and dialed my sister’s number all those years ago…

I saw a movie called ‘Sliding Doors’ this weekend… it had Gwyneth Paltrow starring in it (Which is besides the point but she is one of the most elegant women in the industry and I wished to mention her here :O) ). Anyway, this movie traces two paths which the heroine’s life could have taken: the first had the protagonist take a subway train and other is the one where the doors slide shut and she misses it. One very simple action: but something that could change the very course of life.

Do you feel that your life would have taken a different path if you would have taken one different decision at some point of time? Well, here is one ‘what if’ question from my side. What if there actually are worlds where the consequences of your different decisions exist.

And, what if it was not just in your imagination? MWI, or many world interpretations, is a branch of quantum physics. It says that there are a very large, perhaps infinite, number of universes and that everything that could possibly happen, or could possibly have happened, in our universe (but doesn't) does happen in some other universe(s). There are parallel yous and mes somehow existing in the same space and time that we live in but normally not seen or sensed by us. In these universes, choices and decisions are being made at the very instant you are choosing and deciding. Only the outcomes are different, leading to different but similar worlds. If a universe can be imagined, it exists.

David Deutsch, a research fellow at the Department of Astrophysics, Oxford, and a professor at the University of Texas, tells us: I think it's safe to say that there are a very large, probably infinite, number of these universes. Many of them are very different from ours, but some of them differ only in some minute detail like the position of a book on a table, and are identical in every other respect.

So the very act of keeping a book in a certain way might be a reason of a totally different world – probably for you or for someone else. Say your brother, who is a confused soul, is looking for a path in life. He sees the photography book you kept facing up (and not facing down) and realizes his life’s purpose. He was a lost person and would probably have lived off you had he not realized his vision. Now you can find other uses for the time, energy and resources that you might have spend on him, trying to show him light. So one small action, and it can change so many lives in totality.

When I was a teenager, I read a book called ‘One’ by Richard Bach. It did not make that much sense to me then, but it did leave a deep impression. It had exploited the same idea where the protagonist and his wife end up visiting the different worlds that represented their lives, had they taken some different decisions / actions at some point in time. He wonders in the novel:

"I gave my life to become the person I am right now. Was it worth it?"

I wish I could travel to these many-worlds and see the different courses my life would have taken had I studied harder, or had I not broken the trust of a friend by telling my best friend what this girl had confided in me in grade nine, or if I had been there for my parents and brother more when they needed me and not being wrapped up in my own self-centered world.

I don’t know if the parallel worlds, or many worlds or whatever you might call them actually exist, but I know for sure that contemplating how much impact simple decisions or actions can make in life might force us to think and act more responsibly. Some things might not be in our hands, like Gwyneth Paltrow missing that train in that movie, though they end up shaping your life too; the real question is about the things that you do control.

When I was a kid, my father (who is an idealist and greatly into Indian mythology and values, again not relevant here but worth a mention) told me a story about Chanakya. A guru (teacher) in his gurukul(school) saw his hand and told him that he didn’t have a good fate line. He asked the sage, where the line was supposed to be. As he was being shown the line, Chanakya pulled out his dragger and carved the line on his hand saying, “I make my own fate.”

As I mentioned earlier, there are surely things that are not in your control, like you meeting an accident or missing an exam because the train got derailed etc., but what you do after that is what makes or breaks you. YOU are the master of your destiny. YOU and only YOU are responsible for what your life turns out to be. It is very easy to convince yourself that you did not have the right opportunities, upbringing or company. I totally pity people who say that their stars are currently not in place or their guruji has asked them to wait for a while or worst of all – it is their destiny. People care about what the society would say or their friends would say and hence never gather up the courage to take things in their hand and work towards their happiness. I would say – THAT IS YOUR DESTINY. That is all GEETA has been preaching for centuries and what we need to understand – “Karmanye vadhika raste, ma phaleshu kadachana!” In layman’s terms it means that do your duty and take action without worrying about the outcomes or the results.

"Whether You Think You Can or Can't, You're Right"--Henry Ford

So what are your 'What ifs'...


Are you a list maker?
10:45 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 7 comments

Are you a list maker, I am. My way of organizing my life is writing down everything, and I highly recommend doing that. You might be surprised how clear your life may become if you just find the time and will to jot all of it. You may use any medium you want, the purpose is to take your thoughts out of the mind and give them some breathing space.

Lists can be as simple as your to-do list for today or the weekend, to a result of a serious thought process that lists down your life's major ambitions, lets call it your wishlist. A lot of us have a vague idea of a million things we want to accomplish if we have enough time or energy or resources. If these things are really listed down you might realize that some of the things might not even be as big as you felt and might be completed over the weekend. It might just be a mental block or a victim of procrastination that we are so good at. Like last year we (my husband and I) geared up the courage and went for sky-diving one Saturday. It was so much fun and one item checked from '50 things I want to do before I die' list.

My father always wanted my mother to keep a writing pad to write down anything she remembers to buy from the market and handover the piece of paper to whoever is going to the market at the end of the week. Believe it or not, it took more than ten years of pestering from my dad to make ma get into the habit of doing that and saving papa or the help a few additional trips of the market for the forgotten items.

David Allen has come up with a wonderful concept for Getting Things Done or popularly know as GTD. As his site explains GTD is sophisticated without being confining, the subtle effectiveness of GTD lies in its radically common sense notion that with a complete and current inventory of all your commitments, organized and reviewed in a systematic way, you can focus clearly, view your world from optimal angles and make trusted choices about what to do (and not do) at any moment. GTD embodies an easy, step-by-step and highly efficient method for achieving this relaxed, productive state.

A lot of us are pretty meticulous in our professional life but totally disorganized in personal. I can't really believe if anyone can survive the professional world without having some kind of list, it might just be the to-do in outlook or lotus notes (or a simple list on the writing pad).

Here are some of advantages of doing listing...

Saves time – At the most basic level, making a list would save you from making multiple trips to the grocery store, or from calling the doctor's office again to confirm if the appointment for the X-ray could also be available the same day as the blood test appointment.

Saves money – Lists prevent you from impulsive buys. When you have a list of exactly what you need to buy then buying anything that is not on the list would make you think twice about whether you really need it. This could be an excellent way for shopaholics to control their urges.

Prevents you from forgetting to do things that you might regret later – Adding "mom's birthday – call Saturday" might make your mother a very happy woman and you the favorite son :o). Also, say while going to a parent teacher conference. Has it even happened to you that as soon as you step out of the room, you curse (under your breath hopefully, your kid might be with you) and wish you had asked question blah blah and blah that you were thinking about yesterday?

You know your life's goals – Writing sets your priorities straight. Say you make a list of the 50 things you want to do before you die. It might reveal a lot of surprises to you.

Works as a reminder - and makes you feel guilty enough to complete the tasks on hand.

New found motivation - The very satisfaction on striking out work you have completed may work as an excellent motivator to work towards the completion of items on your list.

Gives you a sense of purpose - and you don't feel lost through the day thinking that you are forgetting something important.

Here are examples of my lists to give you an idea about what you can possibly do:
1. My daily to-do
2. Weekend to-do
3. Stuff to buy (by store)
4. What i want to achieve in 2, 5, and 10 years from now

I'm am avid reader and I’ve starting maintaining my list of books in Google Books with three labels of Read, to Read and Reading. This is also a kind of list.

You can find some very good sites on the Internet that can help you set and manage goals for yourself and also for list-management.

For goal setting - 43things.com or GetGoaling.com are great places to begin.

For making to-do lists –

Remember the Milk - You can get email, SMS or IM reminders, has a lot of keyboard shortcuts. You can create smart list to combine items from different list to make a new one. You can just add a item by sending an email or SMS to this site. You can also get an iPhone application, though using it is not free.

Google Task List – IT can be used both for making a to-do list and for goal management. This article explains how.

ReQuall – God! I like this one. You can integrate it with your phone, IM, text messaging or email. You can just the toll-free number and tell ReQall whether you want to add, recall or share your reminders. You can listen the lists, add to them send them to friends.

Todoist - A really simple and bare minimum to-do list. It also has keyboard shortcuts for easy navigation.

CheckVist - This has a tree structure where you can make sub tasks within a task.

Ta-da Lists - The best thing about this one is that you can share it with others. You can share and modify it mutually. The lists can be made really colorful so you can make a gray list for office work (really dull) and a mauve for things you want to achieve in the next quarter.

Tree Do List – This is also a tree structure list manager but also provides features for managing book marks, news feeds etc.

And you know what, nothing can beat a piece of paper and a pen or a normal todo.txt file on your desktop.

Follow whatever you are most comfortable with. The idea is not to get boggled by complicating things but to make life easier. Tell me if you have a list now or at least if you are thinking about it!



the magic of a HUG
9:43 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 13 comments
A man called Juan Mann started a campaign called Free Hugs Campaign. He was at the lowest point in his life and wanted to be comforted but had no one to turn to. He went to the busiest pedestrian crossing in Sydney and stood there with a sign saying 'Free hugs'. It took him 15 minutes of stares and weird looks before a lady came up to him and said that she lost her dog today on the first anniversary of her daughter's death last year - he knelt down and hugged her and thus started his campaign. For more details check out his website at http://www.freehugscampaign.org/.

I've always believed that a person says a lot by the way s/he first greets you. The tone of the voice, the gestures and the touch all has its own language.

But to be hugged is the best. If a person meets me and gives me a warm hug, I immediately warm up to the person. It indicates to me that s/he is glad to see me and I am welcome here. It makes me feel very comfortable and unconsciously I loosen up. I want to share myself with her and listen to what she has to say.

Have you ever had the urge to hug the spouse of a friend or a colleague the first time you meet them. I have. It's because you've heard so much about them that it doesn't seems as if you are getting together only now; you are just glad to finally put a face to the image you have created. I've restrained myself at such times just for the fear of appearing weird.

I agree that I can't expect to be hugged on the first occasion I meet people but if I get a hug back at the end of the time we spend together, I feel that we have had a successful meeting and we enjoyed each others company. In one word, I feel connected.

Of course professional environments are different and you have to act like one. But even there a firm but warm hand shake can get you the passage to talk about the million dollar proposal you were hesitating to put forward before you walked in.

Here is what a hug can do for you... it connects you with people, makes the receiver and you more comfortable, bring a smile on a frowning face and you never know, might even get you the biggest piece of the cake at the end of the party :o).

Social factors, of course, govern a lot of physical interaction between people. If a guy goes and tries to hug his Arab friend's wife in a veil, he might get his throat slit. In India, though the culture has changed enormously now, some families are still not comfortable in hugging. Even in my in-laws family, hugging seems to have been introduced recently and it is generally slightly awkward. In a broad way, even now, we would not hug the people of the opposite sex, if they are not our parents, siblings or cousins. It is more of a mark of respect or the acknowledgment of a female's space and dignity.

But in general, hugs and handshakes can tell you a lot about the other person's feeling towards you. If you're a guy and you are not into hugging, try the pound hug (where you shake hands with one and use the other hand to embrace) - that would be a good start.

There is no greater feeling than hugging a child and getting that hug back. When I hug my son and pat him on his back, he always does the same. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can replace the feeling of his arms around me and his small hands patting me in return.

A Bollywood movie came out a couple of years back with the catch line 'Jaadu ki jhappi' or 'The magical hug'. Giving a hug was the protagonist's way of bringing a smile on any frowning face. He said it was his magical hug... to take away the frown and bring peace and clarity to the receiver's mind.

So go out there and try giving the magical hug to the loved ones around. If you haven't talked to a friend, sister, father or mother in a while, knock on her door and hug her. The 'Jaadu ki jhappi' can really work its magic. As Jill Wolf has very aptly put it, a hug shows the love we're feeling but can't find the words to say.


The legacy of a value system!
8:22 PM - Posted by Nidhi Singh - 13 comments
In the college year book, a friend wrote "I'm secretly glad my parents were strict with me!", and as time passes the gravity of the statement hits me more and more.

I strongly feel that a large part of a person's personality and specially the value system is a reflection of her parents. A lot of other factors like schools, colleges, your teachers and more and more so your friends shape up your mind and the direction you take on in your life. But the core of one's being is formed in the early formative years. And that is the reason; I'm not too much in favor of putting children in hostels at a very early age. As long as you can provide the child with a healthy and caring environment at home, keep them near.

Kids learn from what they see. Consciously or unconsciously everything leaves an impression on their young minds. If they see you love and respect your parents and take care of them in their times of need, your kids are most likely to return the favor to you and vice versa. On the other hand irresponsible or abusive behavior would also leave its mark. For a young child her parents are the role models, and whatever you do is correct. Statistics show that children coming from broken homes are much more likely to end up being divorced than their counterparts.

As they say, you get what you give, you reap what you sow!

If the child learns to differentiate between the right and the wrong, the truth and the lie, the important and the insignificant before they enter their teens, then ignoring the voice of their conscience would become extremely difficult as they grow older.

A friend told me that her cousin is really stressed these days over the state his kids are in. His 20 something daughter has been in and out of drugs for a while, has moved out of the house, is living in an apartment her father pays for (but is not allowed to visit, by the way), getting her bills paid and getting a pocket money to do nothing but idle away her time. The son is no better. One of the important reasons… the cousin is a neurosurgeon in New York. The doc and his wife were too busy trying to make up their careers in the beginning. And by the time they woke up… it was too late. Much water had flown under the bridge.

If I look back, there is so much that I feel I would like to thank my parents for - the love, the care and the sacrifices that they have made for my brother and me to get us where we are.

I'm in my early thirties and have a four year old son myself. A lot of a person's views about their parents and parenthood change once they take on the role themselves and realize what their parents had gone through for them, and I’m no different. Today, as I start my blog, I would like to thank my parents formally for being who they are and making me what I’m today. I salute you both!